change

I'm drinking Myer's dark rum with coke. A drink I used to love. It's been a good 14 yrs since I had one and, I gotta be honest,... it's not as good as I remember it being.

I guess that holds true for allot of things in our lives, Things change. People change, things arent once as good as they once were. Recently I was told I'm old, mean, weird and the reason I'm alone and will be alone is because of these and other things. Honestly, its kinda true. I am old and not the same as I was years ago. My life isn't where I want it to be, and as hard as I keep trying to make it better, it's not gonna happen overnight.

Words can hurt, and I do admit I have an evil gift of knowing the exact thing to say to make you feel like a shithead if I really dig deep inside my black heart to find them. But it holds true to those who toss words at us, they can hurt, and human nature dictates automatically retaliating back. its just how life is.

I've been having a verbal war with someone I once held dear in my heart, and as much of an asshole as this person feels I am.... my insides just cant do it anymore. shit changes, and grudges aren't worth holding on to. eats up too much energy.

So yea, maybe I am unattractive, and maybe I don't get laid as much as I did in my late 30's, but as I said, shit changes and sometimes its for the better, sometimes its for the worse,... thats just life, and isn't life about preparing us for obstacles that lay ahead of us?

I guess. Who knows. I'm done though, and with any luck, I'll grow kinder with age. naaaaaaaaa, LMAO.

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